Buddhist Prayer for Peace
May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses. May those frightenedcease to be afraid, and may those bound be free.May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending one another. May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness--- the children, the aged, the unprotected-- be guarded by beneficial celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood
I want to begin today’s talk with thoughts on an attempted observation of myself.
As I was sitting down to write up this essay about men and their bodies I was becoming acutely aware of how unaware I was of my own body at that very moment. As I was becoming aware of that, of course, I did become aware of my body.
But I stopped to write
I was sitting on a large exercise ball at my office desk. Balancing my body on that ball should have created some kind of awareness, but it didn’t.
But I stopped to write
Next to me a bag of pretzel-sticks into which I continued to reach.
But I stopped to write
My write hand, if it wasn’t typing, continually reaching to the right side of my scalp to scratch and itch that didn’t seem to go away.
But I stopped to write
My left hand, slightly weaker than my right, starting to ache a little from the concentrated typing.
But I stopped to write
Then I became aware of a certain dryness in my mouth, too many pretzel-sticks, the need for a drink.
But I stopped to write
Again an itch, this time taken care of by my left hand. And another one taken care of by my right hand.
But I stopped to write
It was almost three in the afternoon and I hadn’t eaten anything, not even breakfast. Just those pretzel sticks. I just forgot about bringing lunch. Breakfast was a plan, but then other things happened and I had to leave home to go to work.
I stopped to write for good.
Either Body or Mind: The Yin or Yang of Male Existence
My body is there. It sends me messages continually. It is up to me to respond to them, to ignore and suppress them or to give room to them.
I am realizing as I am writing that I am unable to be aware of my body and think, let alone write, at the same time. It is an either-or situation, perhaps the strongest either-or I have encountered in my life. This either-or gets stronger as my need to finish my work increases. In other words, the more demanding the task, the more I am likely to forget about, if not disregard, my body.
This does not only seem to be the case for mental activity and physical awareness, however. Also, when I am engaged physically, say hammering a few nails, climbing on the roof to clean the gutters, etc. my physical awareness seems to be inversely related to my ability to do what I set out to do. If I force myself to be aware of my body anyway, I risk hitting my thumb with the hammer or slipping and falling on the roof.
However, I do believe that this paradox of functioning and physical awareness is not just a male problem. Women as much as men report that shifting their focus towards physical issues while they’re concentrating on work is likely to distract them from their work. Men and women alike rely on their bodies as the silently functioning vehicles of what we set out to accomplish.
The difference between men and women does not lie in this issue of necessary single-mindedness when we work. Rather, the difference seems to lie in how men take care of their bodies when they don’t have to accomplish anything. Men, it seems, don’t take the time to pay attention to their bodies. In fact, they seem to shun that possibility in favor of more work and more stress. Men work against pain, against symptoms of sickness, against tiredness, against depression and only when nothing will work any longer do they surrender . . . often by killing themselves. The sense of worthlessness and shame that seizes men when they have to surrender to the dictates of their sick or ailing bodies is intense and often unbearable.
Men often seem driven to give all their energy to what they set out to produce. They often are willing to give that much energy until they break, even if the consequence of such self-abuse is the indefinite inability of ever producing again.
Striking also about men and their bodies is the generally restricted ways in which they put them to use. Hard work, sex and working out seem to be the general areas in which men use and are aware of their bodies. In those areas perception of their bodies is further restricted. Hard physical labor often involves just certain parts of the body, often the arms. Sex—despite the existence of erogenous zones all over the male body—often is restricted to awareness mainly of the penis and its sensations. Exercise is often restricted to the large muscle areas: arms, legs, abdomen. How else might men be able to use their bodies? you might ask.
In terms of exercise, men could begin to consider more readily the kinds of activities that don’t simply bulk up the body, but change and affect its overall pliability and health: swimming, yoga, tai-chi, reiki, dancing. With regards to sex a mental effort is needed, because men will have to become aware again of their whole body as a sexual entity, a zone that can be aroused and stimulated in ways that not only match penile sensation, but might be a whole body experience. Precisely because for many men work-body experiences are so restrictive and repetitive, it would be important for them to become more aware of their bodies and more used to their bodies in different motions through exercise and generalized tactile experiences.
Men, it seems have a hard time of understanding the relationship between their bodies and their minds as a yin and yang. This means that they are not just sharing a boundary with each other as do the Yin and Yang. It also means that a speck of mind exists and thrives within body and a speck of body exists and thrives within mind. Men are more likely to live a Yin or Yang life in which body and mind are made to live and act in ignorance from each other.
Narcissus' Legacy
But what are the causes of men’s distance from their bodies?
Before diving into a more analytical account of how men relate to their bodies I would like to turn to mythology and use the story of Narcissus and Echo as a vehicle to understand the male predicatment.
Echo was a beautiful nymph, fond of the woods and hills, where she devoted herself to woodland sports. She was a favorite of Artemis, and attended her in the chase. But Echo had one failing; she was fond of talking, and whether in chat or argument, would have the last word. One day Hera was seeking her husband, who, she had reason to fear, was amusing himself among the nymphs. Echo by her talk contrived to detain the goddess till the nymphs made their escape. When Hera discovered it, she passed sentence upon Echo in these words: "You shall forfeit the use of that tongue with which you have cheated me, except for that one purpose you are so fond of - reply. You shall still have the last word, but no power to speak first."
This nymph saw Narcissus, a beautiful youth, as he pursued the chase upon the mountains. She loved him and followed his footsteps. O how she longed to address him in the softest accents, and win him to converse! But it was not in her power. She waited with impatience for him to speak first, and had her answer ready. One day the youth, being separated from his companions, shouted aloud, "Who's here?" Echo replied, "Here." Narcissus looked around, but seeing no one called out, "Come". Echo answered, "Come." As no one came, Narcissus called again, "Why do you shun me?" Echo, asked the same question. "Let us join one another," said the youth. The maid answered with all her heart in the same words, and hastened to the spot, ready to throw her arms about his neck. He started back, exclaiming, "Hands off! I would rather die than you should have me!" "Have me," said she; but it was all in vain. He left her, and she went to hide her blushes in the recesses of the woods. From that time forth she lived in caves till at last all her flesh shrank away. Her bones were changed into rocks and there was nothing left of her but her voice. With that she is still ready to reply to any one who calls her, and keeps up her old habit of having the last word.
Narcissus's cruelty in this case was not the only instance. He shunned all the rest of the nymphs, as he had done poor Echo. One day a maiden who had in vain endeavored to attract him uttered a prayer that he might some time or other feel what it was to love and meet no return of affection. The avenging goddess heard and granted the prayer.
There was a clear fountain, with water like silver, to which the shepherds never drove their flocks, nor the mountain goats resorted, nor any of the beasts of the forest; neither was it defaced with fallen leaves or branches; but the grass grew fresh around it, and the rocks sheltered it from the sun. Hither came one day the youth, fatigued with hunting, heated and thirsty. He stooped down to drink, and saw his own image in the water; he thought it was some beautiful water-spirit living in the fountain. He stood gazing with admiration at those bright eyes, those locks curled like the locks of Dionysos or Apollo, the rounded cheeks, the ivory neck, the parted lips, and the glow of health and exercise over all. He fell in love with himself. He brought his lips near to take a kiss; he plunged his arms in to embrace the beloved object. It fled at the touch, but returned again after a moment and renewed the fascination. He could not tear himself away; he lost all thought of food or rest, while he hovered over the brink of the fountain gazing upon his own image. He talked with the supposed spirit: "Why, beautiful being, do you shun me? Surely my face is not one to repel you. The nymphs love me, and you yourself look not indifferent upon me. When I stretch forth my arms you do the same; and you smile upon me and answer my beckonings with the like." His tears fell into the water and disturbed the image. As he saw it depart, he exclaimed, "Stay, I entreat you! Let me at least gaze upon you, if I may not touch you."
With this, and much more of the same kind, he cherished the flame that consumed him, so that by degrees he lost his color, his vigor, and the beauty which formerly had so charmed the nymph Echo. She kept near him, however, and when he exclaimed, "Alas! alas!" she answered him with the same words. He pined away and died; and when his shade passed the Stygian river, it leaned over the boat to catch a look of itself in the waters. The nymphs mourned for him, especially the water-nymphs; and when they smote their breasts Echo smote hers also. They prepared a funeral pile and would have burned the body, but it was nowhere to be found; but in its place a flower, purple within and surrounded with white leaves, which bears the name and preserves the memory of Narcissus. from Bulfinch's Mythology
It might come as a surprise to some of us, perhaps even an embarrassing surprise, we, men, pay attention to our bodies. This attention might, at times, even be called narcissistic. And why not call it that? After all the person whose experience we use to coin that term was a man, not a woman. It was Narcissus who squatted in front of a stream, saw an image of a beautiful man and fell in love with that image wishing he could be that beautiful. What we don’t know about Narcissus is whether he was already looking for an image—his own or that of someone else—or was he truly surprised by seeing something at all?
In a way it would be interesting to know if—like Narcissus—men just bumble along until they are suddenly thrust into the realization that they have a body, that they exist in that body and that that body has an effect on them—and on others. But even if men are not looking for an image, even if Narcissus wasn’t either, it is clear that finding an image was an intense experience from him. It changed him and his life forever.
There are two most startling aspects to this story. The first one is
a) Narcissus is apparently clueless as to who he is, what he looks like and how he affects others. This, of course, results in his inability to know himself when he sees himself. Even after trying to touch the image and hug it he is unable to understand that the two dimensional representation in front of him is nothing, but a representation of himself.
b) The second aspect is Narcissus’ inability to let go of first the image and, later, the thought of the image.
We see in the story of Narcissus both a denial of physical existence as well as an obsession with that same existence once it was recognized.
Yin and Yang Replaced: Denial and Obsession
Men in our culture seem to be driven by both aspects of Narcissus’ experience: they deny their physical existence while, at the same time, they are obsessed with it. However, unlike Narcissus, denial of and obsession with one’s own physical existence and appearance are not simply reflexive experiences as they are for Narcissus. For men today denial and obsession are part of the code of masculinity. Adhering to that code in the right way will ensure their acceptance into this culture—as men among men and as men among women. Much depends, in other words, on men finding the right mix between denial and obsession. And, here, we return to Narcissus because, strangely, achieving the right mix between denial and obsession is best achieved, if we can pull it off as something that we are not aware of. If we succeed, denial doesn’t look like denial but the ability to tolerate pain, to always be healthy and strong and to be brave at all times. Obsession turns from seeming like an embarrassing preoccupation with oneself to the self-confidence that we are beautiful and certainly superior to others in beauty, strength and courage. Appearing we are either obsessed or in denial is not “cool.”
Unfortunately, most men aren’t cool.
Denial
Perhaps the most common form of physical denial resides in the culture of the “superhero”. Superheroes are not new to our culture. Many cultures have had heroes similar to Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc. Often these heroes were both human and god and often their physical prowess exhibited only one tiny flaw which the superhero needed to keep secret from all his potential enemies.
In his book The Hazards of Being Male Herb Goldberg diagnoses our culture with an overall tendency towards the destruction of the male body. This destruction is taking place as a process that can essentially be described as fostering in men the illusion of their superheroic invincibility. Three factors contribute to this destruction in his account: intellectualization, macho-rigidity and guilt. All three are instances of the kind of denial that is practiced by men in our culture when it comes to our bodies.
Intellectualization
Intellectualization is Goldberg’s term for an attitude that is basically unwilling to accept insights unless they come from scientific authority. This includes especially also the insights and cues that we get ourselves from our bodies. Goldberg wonders, for example, why it has taken decades of scientific research to convince the public that smoking is indeed bad for one’s health. He asks: “Doesn’t the man who smokes know how it is affecting him and whether or not it is impairing his health? Is he getting no warning signals or messages of discomfort from his body? In other words, it seems clear that we have become so alienated from our bodies that we believe that only an objective scientific, totally intellectualized approach can tell us how a particular substance affects us.
While the term “intellectualization” might be misleading because it suggests insight into something, Goldberg’s use of the term is unambiguous. Intellectualization means that we are out of touch with our bodies and Goldberg believes that many of the instances of men getting seriously ill or even dying “suddenly” could be avoided, if we ended this willful intellectualization. Again Goldberg: “Intellectualization can produce a situation where a man may “feel great” one day and suffer a heart-attack the next. I always wonder when I hear of such instances, where were the body’s messages of distress all during the time it was weakening to the point of this total collapse.”
Goldberg charges that as men we buy into the
fantasy that we will be saved by the brilliance of a researcher, holed up in a cubicle who after years of travail, will have the “eureka” experience, announcing to the world that he has found the “fountain of youth and health” in some chemical compound. We accept that fantasy. However, it seems increasingly clear that : 1) the responsibility for health and long life is one’s own; 2) No authority has better answers than one’s own body; 3) If we get sick, we laid the foundation for it; and 4) We had better explore our physical habits, emotional repressions, environment and interpersonal relationships for answers to health. Even the most brilliant of men seem totally blocked and blinded to seeing that they are the daily creators of their bodily states.
Why would men deny the symptoms of their weakening bodies in the way Goldberg describes? Why would they accept a diagnosis only if it comes from an authority not when it comes from inside of themselves? Why do they have to be convinced by total collapse before they can admit that something is indeed wrong and needs attention?
Macho-Rigidity
Before diving into a more analytical account of how men relate to their bodies I would like to turn to mythology and use the story of Narcissus and Echo as a vehicle to understand the male predicatment.
Echo was a beautiful nymph, fond of the woods and hills, where she devoted herself to woodland sports. She was a favorite of Artemis, and attended her in the chase. But Echo had one failing; she was fond of talking, and whether in chat or argument, would have the last word. One day Hera was seeking her husband, who, she had reason to fear, was amusing himself among the nymphs. Echo by her talk contrived to detain the goddess till the nymphs made their escape. When Hera discovered it, she passed sentence upon Echo in these words: "You shall forfeit the use of that tongue with which you have cheated me, except for that one purpose you are so fond of - reply. You shall still have the last word, but no power to speak first."
This nymph saw Narcissus, a beautiful youth, as he pursued the chase upon the mountains. She loved him and followed his footsteps. O how she longed to address him in the softest accents, and win him to converse! But it was not in her power. She waited with impatience for him to speak first, and had her answer ready. One day the youth, being separated from his companions, shouted aloud, "Who's here?" Echo replied, "Here." Narcissus looked around, but seeing no one called out, "Come". Echo answered, "Come." As no one came, Narcissus called again, "Why do you shun me?" Echo, asked the same question. "Let us join one another," said the youth. The maid answered with all her heart in the same words, and hastened to the spot, ready to throw her arms about his neck. He started back, exclaiming, "Hands off! I would rather die than you should have me!" "Have me," said she; but it was all in vain. He left her, and she went to hide her blushes in the recesses of the woods. From that time forth she lived in caves till at last all her flesh shrank away. Her bones were changed into rocks and there was nothing left of her but her voice. With that she is still ready to reply to any one who calls her, and keeps up her old habit of having the last word.
Narcissus's cruelty in this case was not the only instance. He shunned all the rest of the nymphs, as he had done poor Echo. One day a maiden who had in vain endeavored to attract him uttered a prayer that he might some time or other feel what it was to love and meet no return of affection. The avenging goddess heard and granted the prayer.
There was a clear fountain, with water like silver, to which the shepherds never drove their flocks, nor the mountain goats resorted, nor any of the beasts of the forest; neither was it defaced with fallen leaves or branches; but the grass grew fresh around it, and the rocks sheltered it from the sun. Hither came one day the youth, fatigued with hunting, heated and thirsty. He stooped down to drink, and saw his own image in the water; he thought it was some beautiful water-spirit living in the fountain. He stood gazing with admiration at those bright eyes, those locks curled like the locks of Dionysos or Apollo, the rounded cheeks, the ivory neck, the parted lips, and the glow of health and exercise over all. He fell in love with himself. He brought his lips near to take a kiss; he plunged his arms in to embrace the beloved object. It fled at the touch, but returned again after a moment and renewed the fascination. He could not tear himself away; he lost all thought of food or rest, while he hovered over the brink of the fountain gazing upon his own image. He talked with the supposed spirit: "Why, beautiful being, do you shun me? Surely my face is not one to repel you. The nymphs love me, and you yourself look not indifferent upon me. When I stretch forth my arms you do the same; and you smile upon me and answer my beckonings with the like." His tears fell into the water and disturbed the image. As he saw it depart, he exclaimed, "Stay, I entreat you! Let me at least gaze upon you, if I may not touch you."
With this, and much more of the same kind, he cherished the flame that consumed him, so that by degrees he lost his color, his vigor, and the beauty which formerly had so charmed the nymph Echo. She kept near him, however, and when he exclaimed, "Alas! alas!" she answered him with the same words. He pined away and died; and when his shade passed the Stygian river, it leaned over the boat to catch a look of itself in the waters. The nymphs mourned for him, especially the water-nymphs; and when they smote their breasts Echo smote hers also. They prepared a funeral pile and would have burned the body, but it was nowhere to be found; but in its place a flower, purple within and surrounded with white leaves, which bears the name and preserves the memory of Narcissus. from Bulfinch's Mythology
It might come as a surprise to some of us, perhaps even an embarrassing surprise, we, men, pay attention to our bodies. This attention might, at times, even be called narcissistic. And why not call it that? After all the person whose experience we use to coin that term was a man, not a woman. It was Narcissus who squatted in front of a stream, saw an image of a beautiful man and fell in love with that image wishing he could be that beautiful. What we don’t know about Narcissus is whether he was already looking for an image—his own or that of someone else—or was he truly surprised by seeing something at all?
In a way it would be interesting to know if—like Narcissus—men just bumble along until they are suddenly thrust into the realization that they have a body, that they exist in that body and that that body has an effect on them—and on others. But even if men are not looking for an image, even if Narcissus wasn’t either, it is clear that finding an image was an intense experience from him. It changed him and his life forever.
There are two most startling aspects to this story. The first one is
a) Narcissus is apparently clueless as to who he is, what he looks like and how he affects others. This, of course, results in his inability to know himself when he sees himself. Even after trying to touch the image and hug it he is unable to understand that the two dimensional representation in front of him is nothing, but a representation of himself.
b) The second aspect is Narcissus’ inability to let go of first the image and, later, the thought of the image.
We see in the story of Narcissus both a denial of physical existence as well as an obsession with that same existence once it was recognized.
Yin and Yang Replaced: Denial and Obsession
Men in our culture seem to be driven by both aspects of Narcissus’ experience: they deny their physical existence while, at the same time, they are obsessed with it. However, unlike Narcissus, denial of and obsession with one’s own physical existence and appearance are not simply reflexive experiences as they are for Narcissus. For men today denial and obsession are part of the code of masculinity. Adhering to that code in the right way will ensure their acceptance into this culture—as men among men and as men among women. Much depends, in other words, on men finding the right mix between denial and obsession. And, here, we return to Narcissus because, strangely, achieving the right mix between denial and obsession is best achieved, if we can pull it off as something that we are not aware of. If we succeed, denial doesn’t look like denial but the ability to tolerate pain, to always be healthy and strong and to be brave at all times. Obsession turns from seeming like an embarrassing preoccupation with oneself to the self-confidence that we are beautiful and certainly superior to others in beauty, strength and courage. Appearing we are either obsessed or in denial is not “cool.”
Unfortunately, most men aren’t cool.
Denial
Perhaps the most common form of physical denial resides in the culture of the “superhero”. Superheroes are not new to our culture. Many cultures have had heroes similar to Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc. Often these heroes were both human and god and often their physical prowess exhibited only one tiny flaw which the superhero needed to keep secret from all his potential enemies.
In his book The Hazards of Being Male Herb Goldberg diagnoses our culture with an overall tendency towards the destruction of the male body. This destruction is taking place as a process that can essentially be described as fostering in men the illusion of their superheroic invincibility. Three factors contribute to this destruction in his account: intellectualization, macho-rigidity and guilt. All three are instances of the kind of denial that is practiced by men in our culture when it comes to our bodies.
Intellectualization
Intellectualization is Goldberg’s term for an attitude that is basically unwilling to accept insights unless they come from scientific authority. This includes especially also the insights and cues that we get ourselves from our bodies. Goldberg wonders, for example, why it has taken decades of scientific research to convince the public that smoking is indeed bad for one’s health. He asks: “Doesn’t the man who smokes know how it is affecting him and whether or not it is impairing his health? Is he getting no warning signals or messages of discomfort from his body? In other words, it seems clear that we have become so alienated from our bodies that we believe that only an objective scientific, totally intellectualized approach can tell us how a particular substance affects us.
While the term “intellectualization” might be misleading because it suggests insight into something, Goldberg’s use of the term is unambiguous. Intellectualization means that we are out of touch with our bodies and Goldberg believes that many of the instances of men getting seriously ill or even dying “suddenly” could be avoided, if we ended this willful intellectualization. Again Goldberg: “Intellectualization can produce a situation where a man may “feel great” one day and suffer a heart-attack the next. I always wonder when I hear of such instances, where were the body’s messages of distress all during the time it was weakening to the point of this total collapse.”
Goldberg charges that as men we buy into the
fantasy that we will be saved by the brilliance of a researcher, holed up in a cubicle who after years of travail, will have the “eureka” experience, announcing to the world that he has found the “fountain of youth and health” in some chemical compound. We accept that fantasy. However, it seems increasingly clear that : 1) the responsibility for health and long life is one’s own; 2) No authority has better answers than one’s own body; 3) If we get sick, we laid the foundation for it; and 4) We had better explore our physical habits, emotional repressions, environment and interpersonal relationships for answers to health. Even the most brilliant of men seem totally blocked and blinded to seeing that they are the daily creators of their bodily states.
Why would men deny the symptoms of their weakening bodies in the way Goldberg describes? Why would they accept a diagnosis only if it comes from an authority not when it comes from inside of themselves? Why do they have to be convinced by total collapse before they can admit that something is indeed wrong and needs attention?
Macho-Rigidity
Goldberg summarizes macho-rigidity by way of four different aspects: the overall male unwillingness to deal adequately with the fact that they have bodies; their fear of being seen as feminine; their tendency to want to behave and eat like hunter-warriors; and their emotional repressiveness and competitiveness with other men.
“Despite the fact that men, almost from birth on, seem to react more sensitively to stress than women, one researcher discovered that women can perceive the signs of stress significantly more often than men.” Men seem to have no or only minimal awareness of such stress reactions as “face feels hot or flushed,” “nervous stomach,” “sweating palms,” “lumps in throat or dryness in mouth,” “cold hands and/or feet,” “general restlessness,” “general body sweating,” “increased heart-rate,” frequent urination,” “awareness of heartbeat.”
But this lack of awareness is not simply described as the male condition. It is very much an outgrowth of “early conditioning that teaches boys that it is “sissy behavior” to complain of body pains. The idea is that men have to be in control. They are, therefore, encouraged to deny and resist the fact of illness and injuries as long as possible. Again Goldberg: “In the macho-mind a day in bed sick means:
1) His territory is threatened and someone might usurp his position
2) Someone might discover he really isn’t needed or might try to replace him.
3) Each day in bed is money lost.
4) He’s not a capable warrior and doesn’t hold up under pressure.
In addition to these macho-pressures, Goldberg points out that men are generally afraid of their dependency on women. Old messages of not being dependent on mom, but perhaps also messages from mom that, as a boy, he shouldn’t be sick for too long reinforce the need for a man to pretend health and strength at all cost. Moreover, a woman’s way to take care of herself and her body is closed off from the get-go, because, as Goldberg points out, while it is “perfectly acceptable for the woman in our culture to preen and admire herself in front of a mirror and to spend considerable time caring for her body with long baths, stretching exercises, the use of body creams, etc. the male generally feels uncomfortable and embarrassed about giving his body extensive tender loving care.
Women in the process of relating to their bodies in this detailed and extensive way often have a much clearer and more differentiated sense of their bodies than do men. It is easy to see how not tending to one’s body too much can enhance one’s ability to tolerate and not even feel minor pain. Boys and men are taught into a state of bodily oblivion out of which they can be pulled only by extreme pain.
Goldberg’s account of the destruction of the male body also includes a section on men’s eating habits. “This rigidity in the realm of diet is paradoxical. It is paradoxical because many men, particularly white-collar workers, continue to eat as if they were the hunter-warriors of old, and, in the process rapidly destroy their bodies.” Particularly also the on-going equation of meat-eating with manliness concerns Goldberg and he points out that the message that “meat is muscle, a person is what he eats, and therefore he will increase his muscle mass and strength if he eats meat” has a very slim chance of being unlearned.
Last but certainly not least macho-rigidity shows up as a general tendency in men to repress their emotions and be competitive. In a recent fact sheet put out by the National Cancer Institute about the relationship between stress and cancer the connections between stress and cancer are not left in the dark:
While the complex relationship between physical and psychological health is not well understood. Scientists know that many types of stress activate the body's endocrine (hormone) system, which in turn can cause changes in the immune system, the body's defense against infection and disease (including cancer). However, the immune system is a highly specialized network whose activity is affected not only by stress but by a number of other factors.
It is easy to see how men’s inability to express their stress-levels, i.e., their inability to create stress relieve for themselves, might reinforce the destruction of their immune-systems and make them, overall, more susceptible to disastrous health crises such as cancer, heart-attacks and strokes.
Guilt
“Despite the fact that men, almost from birth on, seem to react more sensitively to stress than women, one researcher discovered that women can perceive the signs of stress significantly more often than men.” Men seem to have no or only minimal awareness of such stress reactions as “face feels hot or flushed,” “nervous stomach,” “sweating palms,” “lumps in throat or dryness in mouth,” “cold hands and/or feet,” “general restlessness,” “general body sweating,” “increased heart-rate,” frequent urination,” “awareness of heartbeat.”
But this lack of awareness is not simply described as the male condition. It is very much an outgrowth of “early conditioning that teaches boys that it is “sissy behavior” to complain of body pains. The idea is that men have to be in control. They are, therefore, encouraged to deny and resist the fact of illness and injuries as long as possible. Again Goldberg: “In the macho-mind a day in bed sick means:
1) His territory is threatened and someone might usurp his position
2) Someone might discover he really isn’t needed or might try to replace him.
3) Each day in bed is money lost.
4) He’s not a capable warrior and doesn’t hold up under pressure.
In addition to these macho-pressures, Goldberg points out that men are generally afraid of their dependency on women. Old messages of not being dependent on mom, but perhaps also messages from mom that, as a boy, he shouldn’t be sick for too long reinforce the need for a man to pretend health and strength at all cost. Moreover, a woman’s way to take care of herself and her body is closed off from the get-go, because, as Goldberg points out, while it is “perfectly acceptable for the woman in our culture to preen and admire herself in front of a mirror and to spend considerable time caring for her body with long baths, stretching exercises, the use of body creams, etc. the male generally feels uncomfortable and embarrassed about giving his body extensive tender loving care.
Women in the process of relating to their bodies in this detailed and extensive way often have a much clearer and more differentiated sense of their bodies than do men. It is easy to see how not tending to one’s body too much can enhance one’s ability to tolerate and not even feel minor pain. Boys and men are taught into a state of bodily oblivion out of which they can be pulled only by extreme pain.
Goldberg’s account of the destruction of the male body also includes a section on men’s eating habits. “This rigidity in the realm of diet is paradoxical. It is paradoxical because many men, particularly white-collar workers, continue to eat as if they were the hunter-warriors of old, and, in the process rapidly destroy their bodies.” Particularly also the on-going equation of meat-eating with manliness concerns Goldberg and he points out that the message that “meat is muscle, a person is what he eats, and therefore he will increase his muscle mass and strength if he eats meat” has a very slim chance of being unlearned.
Last but certainly not least macho-rigidity shows up as a general tendency in men to repress their emotions and be competitive. In a recent fact sheet put out by the National Cancer Institute about the relationship between stress and cancer the connections between stress and cancer are not left in the dark:
While the complex relationship between physical and psychological health is not well understood. Scientists know that many types of stress activate the body's endocrine (hormone) system, which in turn can cause changes in the immune system, the body's defense against infection and disease (including cancer). However, the immune system is a highly specialized network whose activity is affected not only by stress but by a number of other factors.
It is easy to see how men’s inability to express their stress-levels, i.e., their inability to create stress relieve for themselves, might reinforce the destruction of their immune-systems and make them, overall, more susceptible to disastrous health crises such as cancer, heart-attacks and strokes.
Guilt
This is the last of the three factors in Goldberg’s account of the destruction of the male body. It is a peculiar somewhat out-dated seeming argument because it states that men who are married tend to neglect the natural calls of their bodies for exercise, movement and healthy strain in favor of their spouses need for them to stay put have dinner with friends, do the dishes, and play with the children.
While these examples may seem arbitrary it might be important to understand if guilt nevertheless plays a role in how men do or don’t recognize their bodies. For example studies in ADHD seem to suggest that more boys than girls are diagnosed with this disorder. These studies also show that boys’ levels of and need for movement and physical activity his higher than that of girls. Average schools, however, demand levels of physical stillness and attention that correspond more with what girls can do. Boys have to acquiesce to that standard. Is it possible that guilt is used as vehicle to force boys and later men into compliance with this standard?
Obsession
While what has been said so far might suggest that men rather forget about their bodies and ignore them until they can absolutely no longer do so, the opposite is true. Men do pay attention to their bodies, but they often do so in ways that further their unhealthy life-style and destruction.
As has been observed by many, men are captured, enraptured, and obsessed by size. Size matters and allows men to establish hierarchies amongst each other through which strength, accomplishment, prowess, etc. are established and inscribed.
Jack Nichols describes this phenomenon in this way: Men have accepted certain kinds of hierarchies, which fit collectively into the Bigger-Than-Thou Penis Syndrome. These hierarchies are concerned with size and position and they are closely related to all of the games of one-upmanship, status, dominance and control so prevalent in our society.
Nichols quotes an older study by Seymour Fisher that relates size and exaggeration of size to feelings of inferiority and attempts to overcome this inferiority. Men, he concludes, are generally concerned with demonstrating that they are physically and psychologically bigger than others.
I think Nichols and Fisher are right. The well-kept secret about men is that they do spend time in the bathroom, they do gaze at themselves in the mirror, flex their muscles, check the flatness of their stomachs and, yes, take a side-ways look at the length of their penis both in its erect and non-erect state. Men measure themselves, be that the length of their penises, the circumference of their biceps, thighs, chests and wrists. But what is more, men compare themselves to other men.
Social comparison theory has pointed out that men, like women, can get into quite unhealthy ways of treating their bodies and selves, because they are convinced that they don’t measure up to the ideal man’s physique. Men are likely to obsess about their bodies—literally the word obsession refers to a state of being held hostage—and this will drive towards unhealthy behaviors no different from those we have observed in women for quite a while (anorexia, bulimia, body-dysmorphic disorder). In addition, men are more likely to engage in unhealthy amounts of exercising, a tendency to use steroids and other chemical agents to aid in the increase of bodily size. The ultimately disastrous effects of these behaviors are well-documented and do not need to be repeated here.
Men with Bodies
How can men normalize the relationship they have with their bodies? Isn’t there an overlapping area between denial and obsession in which a man can live a physically healthy life? Could we, perhaps, find a “noble middle path” between obsession and denial”? I do not think we can. What men have to do in order to integrate their physical existence into their lives in a healthy way is so different from both obsession and denial that it must be thought of as an entirely new thing rather than the product of denial and obsession. It must be, in other words, something that comes out of a spirit of non-competitiveness. One of the best ways in which this can be achieved is through breath-work. Meditative deep breathing is a process that begins with feeling our breath right at the tip of our noses and continues with an ever expansive sensation of our breathing filling our body until we even feel it in our toes. In this way of affirming our physical existence, men can learn to understand their body as an entirety, a totality in which everything is connected. Whether through mediation, walking, gardening or just taking a bath, breathing and being aware of our breath can help us be aware and connected to our bodies in a fundamentally healthy way.
But perhaps the key to finding a total body experience is not so much in the breathing alone, but in men’s ability and willingness to learn how to live non-competitively.
It is hard to understand what all would be involved, if this really took place. Some might argue it can’t take place and that it is in the nature of men to be competitive. Perhaps those thoughts are on target. What I am thinking of as “non-competitiveness” is not the absence of the fun of competition that comes through sports and play, the excitement of having climbed a steep mountain wall, of having cycled across the country. I believe those to be necessary experiences that are often made better by enjoying them with others. But something about the way in which men compete is less playful and more serious, to the point of hurting and even killing others (or themselves, if they lose). Men’s tendency to think and work in this way, is abused daily by how our economy is structured, the way our military works. We simply expect that men will be competitive enough to beat/kill the other. And we expect that they will do so without regard for their own physical and mental health. Having seen too many pictures of men crippled by the current war in Iraq, I have begun to wonder, if those men had gone to war had they, more consciously, thought of their bodies, the legs, they would lose, the loss of eye-sight, parts of their skulls, etc.
While these examples may seem arbitrary it might be important to understand if guilt nevertheless plays a role in how men do or don’t recognize their bodies. For example studies in ADHD seem to suggest that more boys than girls are diagnosed with this disorder. These studies also show that boys’ levels of and need for movement and physical activity his higher than that of girls. Average schools, however, demand levels of physical stillness and attention that correspond more with what girls can do. Boys have to acquiesce to that standard. Is it possible that guilt is used as vehicle to force boys and later men into compliance with this standard?
Obsession
While what has been said so far might suggest that men rather forget about their bodies and ignore them until they can absolutely no longer do so, the opposite is true. Men do pay attention to their bodies, but they often do so in ways that further their unhealthy life-style and destruction.
As has been observed by many, men are captured, enraptured, and obsessed by size. Size matters and allows men to establish hierarchies amongst each other through which strength, accomplishment, prowess, etc. are established and inscribed.
Jack Nichols describes this phenomenon in this way: Men have accepted certain kinds of hierarchies, which fit collectively into the Bigger-Than-Thou Penis Syndrome. These hierarchies are concerned with size and position and they are closely related to all of the games of one-upmanship, status, dominance and control so prevalent in our society.
Nichols quotes an older study by Seymour Fisher that relates size and exaggeration of size to feelings of inferiority and attempts to overcome this inferiority. Men, he concludes, are generally concerned with demonstrating that they are physically and psychologically bigger than others.
I think Nichols and Fisher are right. The well-kept secret about men is that they do spend time in the bathroom, they do gaze at themselves in the mirror, flex their muscles, check the flatness of their stomachs and, yes, take a side-ways look at the length of their penis both in its erect and non-erect state. Men measure themselves, be that the length of their penises, the circumference of their biceps, thighs, chests and wrists. But what is more, men compare themselves to other men.
Social comparison theory has pointed out that men, like women, can get into quite unhealthy ways of treating their bodies and selves, because they are convinced that they don’t measure up to the ideal man’s physique. Men are likely to obsess about their bodies—literally the word obsession refers to a state of being held hostage—and this will drive towards unhealthy behaviors no different from those we have observed in women for quite a while (anorexia, bulimia, body-dysmorphic disorder). In addition, men are more likely to engage in unhealthy amounts of exercising, a tendency to use steroids and other chemical agents to aid in the increase of bodily size. The ultimately disastrous effects of these behaviors are well-documented and do not need to be repeated here.
Men with Bodies
How can men normalize the relationship they have with their bodies? Isn’t there an overlapping area between denial and obsession in which a man can live a physically healthy life? Could we, perhaps, find a “noble middle path” between obsession and denial”? I do not think we can. What men have to do in order to integrate their physical existence into their lives in a healthy way is so different from both obsession and denial that it must be thought of as an entirely new thing rather than the product of denial and obsession. It must be, in other words, something that comes out of a spirit of non-competitiveness. One of the best ways in which this can be achieved is through breath-work. Meditative deep breathing is a process that begins with feeling our breath right at the tip of our noses and continues with an ever expansive sensation of our breathing filling our body until we even feel it in our toes. In this way of affirming our physical existence, men can learn to understand their body as an entirety, a totality in which everything is connected. Whether through mediation, walking, gardening or just taking a bath, breathing and being aware of our breath can help us be aware and connected to our bodies in a fundamentally healthy way.
But perhaps the key to finding a total body experience is not so much in the breathing alone, but in men’s ability and willingness to learn how to live non-competitively.
It is hard to understand what all would be involved, if this really took place. Some might argue it can’t take place and that it is in the nature of men to be competitive. Perhaps those thoughts are on target. What I am thinking of as “non-competitiveness” is not the absence of the fun of competition that comes through sports and play, the excitement of having climbed a steep mountain wall, of having cycled across the country. I believe those to be necessary experiences that are often made better by enjoying them with others. But something about the way in which men compete is less playful and more serious, to the point of hurting and even killing others (or themselves, if they lose). Men’s tendency to think and work in this way, is abused daily by how our economy is structured, the way our military works. We simply expect that men will be competitive enough to beat/kill the other. And we expect that they will do so without regard for their own physical and mental health. Having seen too many pictures of men crippled by the current war in Iraq, I have begun to wonder, if those men had gone to war had they, more consciously, thought of their bodies, the legs, they would lose, the loss of eye-sight, parts of their skulls, etc.
